My little weight loss journey has been a horrific nightmare! I was super motivated when I first got the idea, but after a few weeks I feel that my mind has been warped by food anxiety. I thought it was a good idea to share my journey with the world, but the pressure has led me to develop problems with self-control and overeating.
Although I really tried to not let the diet mentality consume me, I couldn’t resist the all-to-common patterns of self-loathing and poor body image most of us have dealt with in the past. After setting a goal for myself, I found myself in a cycle of bouts strict dieting followed by binge eating.
A few days ago I decided to stop this madness and go back to eating based on my intuitive cravings. I feel like a weight has been lifted as I am no longer starving myself nor overeating.
I must conclude that, try as I might to be immune, the modern weight loss mentality is a pit of despair and futility. Eating will always be a part of our lives and we cannot think of our health and weight as a checkpoint in a video game. I will try not to be swindled again by Instagram-esq body obsession and instead simply focus on eating whole, plant-based foods whenever I’m hungry.
I have lifestyle choices regarding food that I need to work on. I have a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde relationship with food as during the week I am a paradigm of good choices but, as soon as the weekends hits, I become a ravenous monster devouring any ice cream, chips, and any other heavily saturated snack food that comes my way.
I recently spent a weekend at a family reunion for my boyfriend’s family in Kiel, Germany. As most of us who’ve been to these type of gatherings can attest, much food and drink was served. Fortunately, though I was able to partake in a decent amount of merrymaking, I was able to somewhat control myself as most of the food served wasn’t vegan. We went to a few different restaurants where I ordered vegan entrees full of vegetables (I mean, what else are non-vegan restaurants going to serve?). Being on a somewhat of a vacation, I indulged in a few beers and desserts as well as stocking up on some vegan goodies that can only be found in German supermarkets.
Alas, though I genuinely enjoyed my time in Kiel, I wish to be less impulsive and more cognizant about my food habits. I want to eat more slowly, listen to my body signals, and make healthier snack choices.
Well, I basically made no progress this week. I essentially copied last week’s formula of eating healthy during the week and bingeing on junk food during the weekend. Just to give you an idea of what I mean by junk food bingeing, here are some of the things I ate.
1.5 bags of potato chips
A giant piece of vegan chocolate cake
A vegan waffle with whipped cream and ice cream
A greasy Asian noodle box
A vegan ice cream cookie sandwich
A vegan Danish pastry
1 raw chocolate bounty bar
The biggest portion of Indian food imaginable
I’m being honest because I want people to be able to relate to the experience of failing to meet their goals. It’s easy to start thinking “once I slip-up I might as well give up” and “today doesn’t count, I’ll just start tomorrow”. These thoughts can lead to panicking and overeating when we should instead just enjoy our little slip-up and return to healthy eating as soon as possible.
No matter how much I try to avoid it, the weight loss mentality keeps creeping into my mind. I know it’s all in my head but it’s just so frustrating! I need to pull myself together; it’s just so damn hard!
I am persevering by forging ahead with small baby steps. After all, a healthy lifestyle is nothing but the aggregate of good and bad choices!
The first week of my weight loss journey went well, albeit with a few minor slip ups (I went to the movies with my sister on Sunday and JUST HAD to have some of her popcorn and vegan candy). I started the week by trying to eat 6 small meals a day, but I couldn’t get my body to adjust to it and it felt unnatural. So instead, I opted to only eat when hungry or lacking energy.
I have made my meals healthier by focusing more and more on including vegetables into my home cooking (you might notice a theme here). One of my go to snacks has been carrot sticks dipped in hummus- a tasty, filling midday snack!
My biggest slip-up came over the weekend when my boyfriend and I were house-sitting for a neighbour. Something in our new environment sparked a glutinous whim within us and we bought a giant bag of curly fries from the grocery store to share (should have made my homemade oil-free fries instead!). Nonetheless, I felt I kept the wheels on the bus as I didn’t eat any other blatantly unhealthy foods, instead snacking on fruit and rice cakes.
I consider my first week a success! By focusing on my healthy choices and not dwelling on the slip-ups, I’m able to keep my momentum going. My goal this week is to not slip-up as much and make progress, however small. A healthy lifestyle and subsequent weight-loss is a marathon, not a sprint!
I feel a bit hesitant about
publishing this post since we fortunately live in a time where self-love and
body positivism has a major presence in our society and I don’t want to knock
or derail it in anyway. I’m completely on board with the self-love movement and
I think it’s really important to have a healthy relationship with your body.
Even though I’m currently at
a normal, healthy weight I still want to loose a few kilos (or lbs. for ya’ll
‘Muricans). I have a cute amount of chubbiness around my mid-section, but alas,
I still finding myself wanting to get rid of it! I just don’t like the idea of yellow,
stored, unnecessary fat around my organs. I know I could teach myself to love
and accept it, but I’m young and want to push my body to new heights before
it’s too late.
I hope you’ll follow my little
weight loss journey here on the blog as I give you weekly updates on how it’s
going. I don’t believe in dieting or hardliner restrictions I’m just going to
try to swap guilty habit junk foods for more whole foods! I’m very physically active
and I’m going to continue exercising daily.
I’m convinced that for
sustainable results I can’t starve myself by obsessively counting calories. Therefore,
my strategy is to lose weight slowly so I can acclimate myself to a healthier
lifestyle with greater ease. There is only one way to loose weight which is to
burn more than you consume- no one said you have to burn it all off in a month!
Remember that everyone is
different so what works for me may not be the best fit for you! Now that I’ve shared this
with the Internet there is no going back! I’m so excited!